READERS WRITE

You’ve got to admit that asking readers to write us with their most memorable college pranks was a bold, yes, maybe foolish move. Fortunately, nothing lawless or unprintable came our way, just a nice assortment of dormitory high jinks, science fun, and even a random act of kindness masquerading as a prank. Dr. Howard Zauder ’46 G’49 takes the prize for his tale of the Saturday night his fraternity brothers...well, we won’t spoil it.

NEXT ASSIGNMENT
You are an alumnus of the University of Vermont. Campus was excellent; Burlington, great; but what about your memories of all that Green Mountain State acreage beyond the city limits? Tell us about your favorite place in Vermont during your student days. The more specific, the better.

E-mail responses to vermontquarterly@uvm.edu or Vermont Quarterly, 86 South Williams, Burlington, VT 05401.

THE PRIZE: Our panel of experts will select the top letter and the winner will receive a Vermont print of his or her choice from the stock of UVM Photo. (That’s uvm.edu/~photo if you’re confident and want to start making a selection.)

—Thomas Weaver, Editor 

Tell us your memories of a UVM prank you played or one that was played upon you.

LEG PULLING
I think I can provide you with a prank, played on me, that will go unchallenged in the annals of the University.

In September 1945, I returned to UVM with a prosthetic right lower leg, having spent some time with the Yankee Division in Europe. Fraternity houses were not returned to us until June 1946, making it necessary to seek off-campus housing. Anxious to return to my “old digs” for my senior year. I immediately occupied my old room, now shared with Alex Zucker ’48 (later acting director of the Oak Ridge National Laboratory).

As was the custom of the “old boys” in the house, Saturday night was usually spent seeking libation at the Sugar House. On one occasion I returned
to my room, somehow managed to remove the prosthesis, and flopped into bed. The following morning, anxious to return to my studies in the Primate Anatomy Lab, I found the prosthesis immovable. During my deep slumber, the brothers had removed the prosthesis from my shoe, nailed the shoe to the floor, and replaced the leg.

Dr. Howard L. Zauder ’46, G’49
Syracuse, New York

MORE THAN LUCKY
In the fall of our freshman year, my roommate, John Page ’50, and I were walking across a field full of clover. John, who was an Aggie, kept stopping, getting down on his hands and knees, and running his hands through the clover.

Why are you doing that?

I’m looking for a four-leaf clover.

What for, are you superstitious?

No, four-leaf clovers have a third more leaf than regular clover, which means they are a third more productive than regular clover. I am trying to produce a pure strain of four-leaf clover to increase production.

Every once in awhile during our four years as roommates I would remember about the experiment and ask how it was coming along. Sometimes he was making progress and sometimes not, but he was keeping at it.

Finally—I think it was literally on graduation day—I remembered that it had been some time since my last inquiry, and that we wouldn’t be seeing each other again soon. I spied John talking with some of our friends and went over to ask about the experiment. John looked puzzled, and I reminded him of the experiment, getting in deeper and deeper talking about it. Finally, he looked at me and said, “Ian, what the hell are you talking about?” He had carried the hoax on for nearly four years—a long time to wait to get a rise out of someone.

Ian Macneil ’50
Edinburgh, Scotland

THE GREAT FOOD HEIST OF 1989
When I was a junior at UVM and living off campus at 74 South Willard, my roommate, Jennifer Butler Wegen ’89, and her boyfriend/now husband, Keith Wegen ’89, played an April Fool’s prank on me. They set their alarm for the middle of the night, or thinking back, probably just stayed up until 3 a.m. They quietly removed all of the food from every cabinet and hid it in Jennifer’s closet. In the morning, they pretended that someone had stolen all of our food in the middle of the night, leaving the stereo, skis, television, etc. The joke went on until I was about to call the police to report that we had been “food burglarized” and then go buy some groceries.

Peggy Doherty DeLong ’90
Long Valley, New Jersey

FUN WITH SCIENCE
As a graduate student in chemistry in the early 1950s, I spent most nights in my basement laboratory in Williams Science Hall. Walking across campus to my room on Summit Street, I would pass the fountain in the middle of the Green. Late one night, I added a small amount of fluorescent dye to the water in the fountain. The next morning, the surface of the fountain shimmered green and gold in the morning sun and caught the attention of all who crossed the Green. This prank even rated a cartoon in the next issue of the Cynic. Within a week the dye had disappeared, and I hope the statute of limitations has expired for this action with the passing of all these years.
           
Edward J. Kerle G’53
Granville, Ohio

A KINDER, GENTLER PRANK
My Sanders Hall roommate in the 1940s was Liz Snell ’49. One night she and I decided to go downtown for a soda-fountain ice cream. Our across-the-hall roomies, Norma Stephenson ’49 and Milly Vaughn ’49, called out, “Bring us back a Coke!”

The soda fountain downtown served Coke glasses of water with the ice cream, so we pocketed them, bought a bottle of Coke, and traipsed back up the hill, whereupon we opened the Coke and filled the glasses brim-full to take to Milly and Norma. “How did you manage that?” they said. 

In talking recently with Liz, she says she still has the Coke bottle! We are trusting that the statute of limitations has expired on pilfered Coke glasses.  

Ruth M. Allard ’49
Lyndon, Vermont

MYSTERY MUSIC
Without a doubt, one of the best pranks of my UVM days was with the “Fart Machine.” The small, black device was activated by a hand-held remote control activator. My friends and I would strategically place the machine in a quiet section of Bailey/Howe, a classroom with a particularly dry professor, or in the backpack of an unsuspecting friend sitting next to a girl he admired. One touch of the remote control and a disturbingly grotesque noise perfectly mimicking the passing of gas would emanate without fail.  Heads would turn, guys would laugh, girls would scowl in disgust at the person who just did the unthinkable in a public place. Everyone looked around to find the culprit. And no one ever found out.

Call me silly and immature if you want, but I laughed myself to tears many, many times.
May the tradition continue in quiet places throughout UVM.

Ryan Kuja ’04
Plympton, Massachusetts

MEN OF SIMPSON 2, ’FESS UP
Our dorm floor seemed to be a prank magnet. I lived on Simpson's third floor my freshman and sophomore years and we had a group of guys living on the second floor who seemed to have quite the imagination and sense of humor.

We learned to keep a rolled towel near our door so that if anyone yelled, “Water fight!” we could shut our door and put the towel up against the threshold to prevent rivers of water from rushing in under the door and into our room. I also heard of people filling large envelopes with shaving cream, then sliding the open end of the envelope under someone's door and stomping on the envelope to send a burst of the shaving cream out into the room. One evening, my roommate, Karyl, was 'pennied' into our room - someone shoved pennies into the doorjamb to make it so tight that she couldn't turn the knob. (We did finally manage to pry the pennies loose before she peed her pants!) One weekend morning, we woke up to discover all the handles to all the showers and sinks in our bathroom had been removed and there was plastic wrap on the toilets under the seats.

Someone worked really hard to make it difficult for us!
 
Carol Specht Polakowski ’80
Essex Junction, Vermont

Also on readers’ minds...

OLD PHOTO, NEW UVM
The day after we (my husband, Jim Rader, and I are both alumni) received our fall Vermont Quarterly, I was reading through it and enjoying it. In fact, I was enjoying it greatly because the articles seemed to me to demonstrate a strong and true direction under President Fogel that I embrace.  

And then to my further delight, I turned page 39 and saw a photo on page 41 that I took back in 1963 when I was on the Cynic photographic staff!  It was a thrill for me, and catapulted me back to that snapshot in time— JFK was still alive and I was a freshman at UVM, very much trying to figure out life.

So, thanks all the way around.  I hope that the sense of direction that I felt remains for many, many years. Kudos to President Fogel, to the UVM board for the wisdom to appoint him, and to all the rest of the team who is pulling this new vision off.

Meg Pond ’67 G’81
Grand Isle, Vermont

GO, ARTISTS
Thank you for devoting such an inspiring issue to the art and artists of UVM.
After graduating with an art major in 1993, I was astounded to find out how little recognition is given to UVM's art program by outside observers. The classes and events that take place inside Williams Hall rival that of any college or university with studio art or art history acclaim. I left UVM knowing I had received an amazingly well-rounded education in studio art and these thirteen years later I am still proud to say, "I was an art major at UVM.”

Though not a professional artist, I have continued my art on a personal level and use my art education every day in my job at a design firm. It does my heart good to see fellow UVM alums who have made a successful go at professional art in "the real world.” (And as a former classmate of Lars Fisk, I was particularly tickled to see him on the cover of the fall ’06 publication. I always knew he had the talent and drive to "make it.”)

Heather (Milliman) Poirot ’93
Dover, New Hampshire

MUSEUM MEMORIES
Near the end of my senior year in high school, my brother (a UVM student) urged me to take a work-study position at the museum because I could "study while babysitting the mummy.” My first ever job interview was with then Director Ildiko Heffernan. As was her style, when I mentioned I couldn't type, she looked me in the eye and stated, "You will learn."  Instead of "babysitting the mummy,” I spent that summer as the director's secretary and did, indeed, learn to type.  

Throughout my four years at UVM, I was fortunate to continue my work study at the Fleming Museum. I learned much about art at the elbow of then Curator Ann Porter and the gifted Merlin for whom hanging art was art itself. As the only student representative on the Curator Search Committee, the task of giving curator-candidate Glenn Markoe a campus tour fell to me. The honor of cataloguing the Marsh Collection found me spending hours with art the likes of which I had never before seen. My time at the museum was filled with similarly varied and amazing experiences.

Not bad for a naive kid from rural Vermont. Thank you for reminding me of all the fond memories I have of the Robert Hull Fleming Museum.

Jaclynna (Thornton) Williams ’86
Palm Coast, Florida

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